Letting Go

When I found out I was first pregnant with Cadence I always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but finances wouldn't allow it. So of course, the number one question was, babysitter?!

Fortunately my sister is a stay at home mom and I trust her with my life, and obviously my child's life, because she watched Cadence for me for a few months until my mom started watching her. My mom has watched her every day since. 

To say starting school was/is a huge transition is an understatement. It's a transition that everyone has been going through. My mom has missed Cadence SO MUCH throughout the day. She went from keeping her all day to now just two hours. I miss the comfort of being able to call my mom and talk to Cadence on the phone or just check up on her, it's not like I can call the school and say, "hey let me talk to my kid for a second." 

Cadence seems to be taking it the best, which I'm so happy for. She looks forward to school every morning. This morning at 6:30 I walked to her room and she was already awake, underneath the covers with a flashlight and her drawing pad giggling. I'd much rather have her be happy about it than hate it.

On the first day Tarl and I both walked her into her class room. We stayed for a brief second and then left. I cried in his arms and we were both late for work. Now that full time school is started and is now on a regular daily schedule I drop her off each morning due to Tarl's work schedule and let me tell you, it's just as hard these two days as it was on the first day.

Yesterday I walked her into her classroom. She is only five and is not embarrassed or shy about it and I am most certainly not the only mom who does it. But there are plenty of moms who also just drop their kids off at the steps and they walk in by themselves. Nothing wrong with that either. I vowed yesterday morning after I walked her into ween off of me walking in with her. 

This morning I dropped her off at the entrance instead of her classroom. I watched her with her bookbag and lunchbox in tow walk into her classroom all by herself. Just typing it breaks my heart. 

I know that kids must go to school. I know it's a great experience for her. I know she will make (and already has made) tons of friends. She loves learning, playing and the social interaction that school provides. I too love that she is now in school and having new experiences but that does not mean it's easy. In fact it's the opposite, it's hard as hell!

Letting go is not fun. It's not easy. It's a huge transition. Does it get easier?!

So many changes are going on in my family. My oldest nephew, who is like my little brother since we are close in age, just left for college. He is a few hours away but somehow it seems like a lifetime. Granted he is grown and we don't talk daily like we used to, it's still hard knowing he's not just a few miles down the road. My other nephew is a senior in high school. This coming May he will embark on his own journey and start his college education an hour away, then another nephew the following year. 

Where does the time go? How do you let them go?