To describe our growing up in the lowcountry of South Carolina, I would have to take you to the marsh on a spring day, flush the great blue heron from its silent occupation, scatter marsh hens as we sink to our knees in mud, open an oyster with a pocketknife and feed it to you from the shell and say, 'There. That taste. That's the taste of my childhood.' - Pat Conroy

September 27, 2016

When Life Changes In An Instant

So rewind to last week. I had noticed that Cadence was drinking water, lots and lots of water. Which, as parents, we think is a great thing, right? Except this was more than thirst quenching, this was almost bathtubs full, like she could never quench her thirst. It was then my motherly instincts kicked in and I started google searching excessive water drinking and article upon article had stated that excessive water drinking is a huge sign of Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes.

My dad and brother-in-law both have Type 2 so they have the blood glucose machines at their home. I couldn't get Cadence in my car fast enough to go and check her. It was hard trying to get her to prick her finger. The thought scares me as an adult, I can't imagine that of a 7 year old child, but she sucked it up, and sure enough the machine read high. My heart fell to the floor right there in my sisters house because I knew, even without an official diagnosis, what we were looking at.

At this point it was 8pm and all doctors offices were closed, so I called the after hours nurse at our pediatricians office and they told me to immediately go to the hospital ER and take a bag. Within 10 minutes of arrival, another finger prick, and a urine sample we had her diagnosis, Type 1 diabetes.

We were escorted up to the children hospital where we stayed for two days. We learned all about Cadence's new diagnosis, what causes it, how to manage it, what to expect, etc. We also learned that it is becoming more and more common here in the US. Over 200,000 people get diagnosed with it each year. When we were admitted, there had been a 17 year old, 10 year old and 18 month old all that day admitted for the same exact reason. Heck, there are three kids in Cadence's school who has it!

As a parent my first question was, life expectancy. Thank the Good Lord Cadence, as long as her diabetes is managed, can go on to live to be 100 years old. She can go on to be whatever she wants to be (except for a fighter pilot in the military - that's the only thing you can't be when you have T1D). I felt an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders. Although my dad has it, he has Type 2, which is where you watch what you eat, take a pill, and try to exercise. Type 1 is different because your body produces absolutely no insulin, so you have to take injections daily. Type 2 diabetes patients bodies can still product insulin, as long as they take care of themselves.

My second question was what other damage will this do to her other organs, and again, same answer. As long as we take care of her, and manage her insulin and diet, no other organs will be damaged. I know a guy who has T1D and is having some issues in other areas of his body because of it. This same man is also known for never checking his blood sugar and rarely taking his insulin injections. Catch my drift?

After our questions were answered, Tarl, Cadence and I went on a huge educational journey all about T1D. We met with doctors, nutritionists and diabetic counselors. We learned all about how to manage the lows (hypoglycemia) and the highs (hyperglycemia). We have to carb count, everything. You ate a carrot? Better carb count it! Just in case you were wondering, one carrot stick is one carb.

Sweet girl has to get her finger pricked before each meal and whenever she isn't feeling right (think tired, nauseas, dizzy, etc.) She also has to have 4 injections every day. Once after breakfast, lunch, dinner and the last before she goes to bed.

She has aced the sticks! She is no longer scared at all of the needle and she can now prick her own finger to check her blood glucose level. Leaps and bounds from how far she came last week when my sister first checked her. When you have no option but to be strong, you realize how strong you can truly be! Cadence has far superseded the strength of a 7 year old in my opinion. She's already back at school, playing and learning with all her friends. She's currently doing homework as I type this.

I know there will be scary days, especially when she gets sick. From everything I hear diabetes is very manageable, but when you get sick your body automatically gets higher levels from being ill, so you have to change your insulin dosage accordingly. We're most definitely dreading that first cold of the upcoming winter months, but I know we'll get past it.

When I first heard T1D all I could think was Steel Magnolias, the movie where Shelby dies in the end after having Jackson, her son, from it, but Bethany, our diabetic counselor, totally reassured me that the movie came out in the 80s and diabetes has come a long ways since then, a long ways! In fact, Bethany was diagnosed herself at age 5, she is now married, runs marathons for fun and is making major bank as a diabetic counselor for the children's hospital.

I also learned about several celebrities who have T1D. One of the Jonas brothers was diagnosed at age 13, a famous ballerina (I can't remember her name), Hallie Berry, Bret Michaels, Jay Cutler, even a USC Gamecock football player. Go Gamecocks!

Tarl and I were scared, hell, we still are, because this is new and something that is going to take months upon months to learn and perfect, but after being in the children's hospital for two days, we realized how blessed we are to come out with a manageable disease, some parents aren't as fortunate.

September has been one heck of a month. Cadence received this diagnosis 11 days after my mom passed away. I know the Lord only gives you what you can handle and apparently He thinks I can handle a lot in September :)

I know this is going to be a journey and we have a lot of learning to do, but I also know that the Lord has a plan for every single thing and this plan He has prepared for Cadence long before she was ever a thought in our head. Long before we were ever even married. Long before we ever even met. I cannot wait to see her succeed with this and I pray she grows to teach others all about it! 

September 16, 2016

when there are no words left to say but God is good!

I'm not sure if anyone still reads this blog of mine, and if not, that's okay because today this blog post is for me. I'm using this as an outlet to get out all of my thoughts on these past couple months. Without a doubt, this is the most difficult blog post that I have ever written. I'm not sure if this will be my last, but for this moment, I'm focusing on the present, the now, let me begin...

My mom was diagnosed with COPD back in February 2012, although she had the disease long before the diagnosis was ever given. Basically what started as shortness of breath turned into a three week stay into the hospital where 13 of those days she was on life support, hanging onto her life, as we, the family got "called in" to say our goodbyes. But, the good Lord had far better plans for her, and she came out of the hospital, walking and talking! God is good!

Once she got out of the hospital in March 2012, she had several more hospital stays throughout her time. That's the thing with COPD, one day you can be perfectly fine, and the next you're gasping for air and can hardly breathe. It's scary as shit, there's just no other way to put it. It's scary for her as the one with the disease, and scary for us, the family, watching her with this horrible disease. But every single time she persevered and came out on top, walking and talking and spending more time with her family. God is good!

Fast forward to May this year, four short months ago. Mom was having one of her flare ups so my dad took her to the hospital, where they admitted her. This is nothing unusual, as most times, she got admitted. This time however was much different. She got put on life support, again. We were called in, again. Said our emotional goodbyes, again, and then a few days later she came out, woke up and was smiling and eating lightly. A few more days passed and she went back downhill and on life support, again. After a very long stay in the hospital, she got out. God is good!

Although she did get out she lost all of her muscle function and had to go to a rehab facility to gain her muscle function back to learn how to walk again. Anyone who went through everything she went through would have to gain their strength back, even a healthy person. We were happy however, she was out of the hospital and the rehab facility was closer to home so we could visit her far more frequently. God is good!

After two months in the rehab facility, with slow strides on getting her to walk again, mom started to feel ill one day so they kept a close monitor on her, but unfortunately she wasn't getting better. In fact, she was getting far worse, so they rushed her to the closest hospital where she was admitted. Turned out, she had pneumonia, which is bad enough itself but for a COPD patient, it is AWFUL! The hospital had gotten her pneumonia under control somewhat. She wasn't in much pain and her breathing wasn't terrible like it had been on occasion, but there was only so much that the hospital she was in could do. That's when they suggested mom be admitted, two hours away, to a hospital who specializes in cases like hers, where a patient who is immobile, can get the care they need and also get rehabilitated to learn to walk again. We weren't too keen on the long commute, but, if it was best, then that's what she needed, so the decision was made and off she went by ambulance. We visited her the Saturday after she left and she was in good spirits. She loved the nursing staff. They were good christian nurses and doctors and every day of the week she had specialists come in and work her legs and arms to get them moving again. God is good!

In typical Monday fashion (because Mondays suck!) my dad received a call to come immediately. Her breathing was very labored, she was in pain and they explained to him that she wouldn't make it through the night. My family rushed to be by her side and I was in bed vomiting every five minutes and had a temperature of 102. Of all the days to be sick!!! I popped excedrin and tylenol like they were candy and rushed to be there too. By the time I got there mom was up, talking, smiling, eating and drinking water. I'm not sure if it was the fact that her family came to be by her side, or the fact that all of her children and their spouses and children had gathered in one room, regardless she was her usual self. God is good!

At this point, and after this long journey, and other medical issues that I'm not even about to delve into, the doctors, after a lot of discussions with my dad and mom herself, found it best for mom to come home and be issued a hospice nurse. At this point we knew the time we had with her was bittersweet. After we all left the hospital and arrived home, a hospital bed had arrived for mom, to be put in her home. We all helped to situate and clean and get everything right, just for her, and the following day my mom arrived by ambulance, with her sister, my aunt, riding shotgun with her. My mom was the happiest I had seen her in a long time. After months (May - the end of August) of being gone from home and bouncing from medical facility to medical facility, she was home. God is good!

For 12 days we all gathered to be with mom. She got to watch her favorite shows. She got to eat her favorite meals. She got to be with all of her children, grandchildren, and of course, my dad. Friends visited, brothers and sisters visited. It was great. Hospice had given her the right medications to keep her pain under control and medications to get her breathing balanced so she could have quality time with us. After 10 days of memories being made and old memories being discussed, lots of "I love yous" and foot massages. Afters lots of episodes of Blue Bloods (her favorite show) and manicures (she wanted her nails painted). After lots of laughs and tears, my sweet mom quietly slipped into a comatose state, and after two days of sleeping peacefully, she passed away, holding my dads hand. God is good!

God is good because he gave us something that not everyone gets, time. Every single day, several times throughout the day, loved ones are taken from us without hesitation, without notice, and very sudden. As sad and heartbreaking as it is, and will be for a long time, my family and I were so blessed to have great time with mom, in her home, surrounded by family and friends. We had moments to say our goodbyes. We received kisses from her. Hand holding, hair rubs, and other things that are special from a mom to her children. God is good!

My mom is the most special lady I have ever known. Burying her was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life and I pray to the good Lord above that it's the most difficult thing He will ever allow me to face. As painful as everything is though, I have so much peace knowing that my mom is in a far better place that any of us could ever imagine. Before she passed, she knew her time was short, but not once did she fear life beyond this world. My mom had more faith than anyone I have ever known. She has read through the Bible on seven different occasions and has books upon books of study notes that she took from each scripture. She knew she was going home to be with our Lord and Savior. She knew she was going home to be with her parents. She had no doubts and that gave her, and us, so much peace. I want peace like that for myself and all of my family when our time is near. I don't ever want us to worry about where we're going after our souls leave this world. I want the same peace that my mom had. Who wouldn't?

I don't know how to live this life without my mom. She's my mom! The strange thing though, is life goes on. Cadence still has school. Tarl still has work. I still need to clean and grocery shop. All of our family that was in town during this journey has gone home and all the distractions that kept my mind off of everything are now gone. It leaves me a lot of alone time to sit and ponder on it. Some moments I think of a certain memory that has me giggling and in other moments I break down in tears. Some moments I fall to the floor with heaping sobs and other moments I'm angry. It's a whirlwind of emotions, some good, some bad, but at the end of the day time will heal wounds. There will always be an emptiness there, this I know, but with time the pain will be a little less intense. At the end of the day, and always, God is good!

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