Posting about how Tarl and I met got me thinking about marriage in general. Tarl and I have been married for 6 wonderful years, and dated 6 years before we said "I Do". Looking back I wish someone would have told me certain things about marriage that knowing beforehand, would have helped.
Don't get me wrong, every marriage is different, and our marriage is far from perfect, but we truly have a wonderful relationship. I learned the following advice the hard way. Had blogger been around back when we got married, or I should say, popular, back when we got married, and someone had posted what I'm about to post, I would have taken this advice and ran with it!
If you can, live together before! Yes, I am a Christian, and yes I am aware that sex before marriage is a sin, but I'm going to be honest in telling you that I did have pre-marital sex and Tarl and I did live together before marriage. I was very open and honest with both of my parents, and this made for me moving out and in with him much easier. They were supportive 100% of the way, and even helped us move into our first place together. If you are in a relationship where you can live together before marriage, do it! The little things that you do not see, regardless of how many years you have been together, can be detrimental to your relationship. It took me forever to get over Tarl clipping his toenails in the house. It still grosses me out to this day, but I was not at all prepared for the first time he did it. There are so many things that your significant other is going to do that is going to drive you batshit crazy, and you need to be prepared before marriage, not after.
As disgusting as it sounds, all men love toilet time! There is nothing like a man and his "throne". Even if they are only doing #1, often they will still sit down, instead of standing up like a big boy, just to enjoy their "throne". Before iPhones and wifi, Tarl would have countless car magazines stacked up by our commode. Now he uses his iPhone and scrolls through Instagram or searches Bass Pro online. Get used to it ladies, they take their sweet time in the bathroom. We literally shit and get off the pot, not them...face the facts!
Me time is essential! Yes you are married now and are with the love of your life, but time just for you is essential to a lasting marriage. Trust me on this one. I love spending time with Tarl. He makes me laugh like no other, but I cannot imagine being with him 24-7 and never having time to myself. He feels the same way. He uses his time to go hunting and I use mine to get a pedicure or manicure, or a girls night out. It's essential to every marriage to have time away from each other, this way you can enjoy what you have while you are away. I'm not saying go spend weeks apart, but an hour once a week isn't going to kill you!
Some couples think they are never going to argue. Maybe your dating relationship was perfect and you never disagreed on anything, let me tell you something, marriage is completely different than dating. You're going to argue, and it's going to suck, point blank! Tarl and I love big, but we argue big too. I'm not even going to say 99%, I'm going to say 100% of all our arguments are completely pointless and meaningless. It comes down to one of us having a crappy day at work, or feeling ill, and a bad mood mixed with hereditary stubbornness would make anyone argue, let alone a married couple who are together all the time. I'm going to be honest in saying, that sometimes I argue just to do it, don't we all? We already talked about the sex a couple paragraphs ago, so let me give you some #realtalk in saying, that married sex, after an argument, is great.
Jealousy is a disease that can break anyone down. Trust me when I say, he married you, because he loves you and only you. All throughout high school people would get into Tarl and my business. They would spread lies and just be very spiteful. Typical high school bitches. It makes me feel so great to shove it in their face now. Here we are, we made it, we're still together and more crazy about one another now, then back then. How's your high school boyfriend doing? Oh, that's right, y'all aren't together anymore because you were too busy wasting your time on our relationship to focus on your own. Don't be jealous if you have stretch marks and you're at the beach with your husband, along with beautiful women who have flat tummy's, perfect tans, and are stretch mark free. My husband truly loves my stretch marks. He tells me that it's my "tiger stripes" and that I earned them. I let our healthy girl grow for 9, almost 10, long months in my stomach. I am a naturally tiny framed girl who gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy, stretch marks were inevitable. Tarl loves me, my body, stretch marks and all!
*Side Note: If you're feeling self conscious about your stretch marks, save your pennies and get a boob job...hello self esteem! #keepingitreal
Have a place of your own! The one regret that Tarl and I have is not having a place of our own once we got married. Every last penny was spent towards our wedding and honeymoon, that we were content with renting at that time instead of looking into purchasing our first home. Due to the homeowners selling their rental property two months before our wedding, we had to move in with my parents. We are so grateful that they let us do this, but after 10 days in the Caribbean, coming home to mom and dad's spare bedroom wasn't ideal. We only stayed with them 3 months before buying our home now, but those were our first three months of marriage.
Talk, don't walk! The one thing that Tarl and I always do is talk it out. We may go hours and even a nights sleep without talking, but eventually we do talk it out, we never walk out, or go for a ride, or walk. We stay under the same roof, period. We've been together for 12 years and have never once left an argument go. We took our vows before our family, friends and Christ seriously. We took our vows for forever, so always remember to talk it out, never leave or walk out during an argument.
Don't get me wrong, every marriage is different, and our marriage is far from perfect, but we truly have a wonderful relationship. I learned the following advice the hard way. Had blogger been around back when we got married, or I should say, popular, back when we got married, and someone had posted what I'm about to post, I would have taken this advice and ran with it!
If you can, live together before! Yes, I am a Christian, and yes I am aware that sex before marriage is a sin, but I'm going to be honest in telling you that I did have pre-marital sex and Tarl and I did live together before marriage. I was very open and honest with both of my parents, and this made for me moving out and in with him much easier. They were supportive 100% of the way, and even helped us move into our first place together. If you are in a relationship where you can live together before marriage, do it! The little things that you do not see, regardless of how many years you have been together, can be detrimental to your relationship. It took me forever to get over Tarl clipping his toenails in the house. It still grosses me out to this day, but I was not at all prepared for the first time he did it. There are so many things that your significant other is going to do that is going to drive you batshit crazy, and you need to be prepared before marriage, not after.
As disgusting as it sounds, all men love toilet time! There is nothing like a man and his "throne". Even if they are only doing #1, often they will still sit down, instead of standing up like a big boy, just to enjoy their "throne". Before iPhones and wifi, Tarl would have countless car magazines stacked up by our commode. Now he uses his iPhone and scrolls through Instagram or searches Bass Pro online. Get used to it ladies, they take their sweet time in the bathroom. We literally shit and get off the pot, not them...face the facts!
Me time is essential! Yes you are married now and are with the love of your life, but time just for you is essential to a lasting marriage. Trust me on this one. I love spending time with Tarl. He makes me laugh like no other, but I cannot imagine being with him 24-7 and never having time to myself. He feels the same way. He uses his time to go hunting and I use mine to get a pedicure or manicure, or a girls night out. It's essential to every marriage to have time away from each other, this way you can enjoy what you have while you are away. I'm not saying go spend weeks apart, but an hour once a week isn't going to kill you!
Some couples think they are never going to argue. Maybe your dating relationship was perfect and you never disagreed on anything, let me tell you something, marriage is completely different than dating. You're going to argue, and it's going to suck, point blank! Tarl and I love big, but we argue big too. I'm not even going to say 99%, I'm going to say 100% of all our arguments are completely pointless and meaningless. It comes down to one of us having a crappy day at work, or feeling ill, and a bad mood mixed with hereditary stubbornness would make anyone argue, let alone a married couple who are together all the time. I'm going to be honest in saying, that sometimes I argue just to do it, don't we all? We already talked about the sex a couple paragraphs ago, so let me give you some #realtalk in saying, that married sex, after an argument, is great.
Jealousy is a disease that can break anyone down. Trust me when I say, he married you, because he loves you and only you. All throughout high school people would get into Tarl and my business. They would spread lies and just be very spiteful. Typical high school bitches. It makes me feel so great to shove it in their face now. Here we are, we made it, we're still together and more crazy about one another now, then back then. How's your high school boyfriend doing? Oh, that's right, y'all aren't together anymore because you were too busy wasting your time on our relationship to focus on your own. Don't be jealous if you have stretch marks and you're at the beach with your husband, along with beautiful women who have flat tummy's, perfect tans, and are stretch mark free. My husband truly loves my stretch marks. He tells me that it's my "tiger stripes" and that I earned them. I let our healthy girl grow for 9, almost 10, long months in my stomach. I am a naturally tiny framed girl who gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy, stretch marks were inevitable. Tarl loves me, my body, stretch marks and all!
*Side Note: If you're feeling self conscious about your stretch marks, save your pennies and get a boob job...hello self esteem! #keepingitreal
Have a place of your own! The one regret that Tarl and I have is not having a place of our own once we got married. Every last penny was spent towards our wedding and honeymoon, that we were content with renting at that time instead of looking into purchasing our first home. Due to the homeowners selling their rental property two months before our wedding, we had to move in with my parents. We are so grateful that they let us do this, but after 10 days in the Caribbean, coming home to mom and dad's spare bedroom wasn't ideal. We only stayed with them 3 months before buying our home now, but those were our first three months of marriage.
Talk, don't walk! The one thing that Tarl and I always do is talk it out. We may go hours and even a nights sleep without talking, but eventually we do talk it out, we never walk out, or go for a ride, or walk. We stay under the same roof, period. We've been together for 12 years and have never once left an argument go. We took our vows before our family, friends and Christ seriously. We took our vows for forever, so always remember to talk it out, never leave or walk out during an argument.
xo
Miranda
Love, love LOVE this!!
ReplyDeleteI've only been married for 5 months, but I agree with all of this. Also, my coworkers boyfriend gets COMPLETELY naked to poop. No joke. It's the funniest thing.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this! Especially the talk it out and "you" time!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this!!!
ReplyDelete